Sprigly
by SparksJSH
Summary: When Ruthie has her tonsils removed, Eric meets a ghost from his past.


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Disclaimer: Spelling owns the characters and I am making no money off this. 

****

Sprigly

By: SparksJSH

"Mommy, I don't want to have my toenails taken out. I'll look funny without them." Ruthie Camden folded her arms across her chest, her lower lip poked out in a pout and tears in her eyes.  
  
Annie looked over at her daughter and had to smile despite her own reluctance to see her youngest daughter face surgery. "Ruthie, no one is going to touch your toenails. Dr. Wyles is going to remove your tonsils. They're the reason you keep having so many sore throats."  
  
"Well, I don't want to lose my tonsils either. What if I need them later on?"  
  
Annie pulled into a parking place at the hospital and turned to fact Ruthie. "Sweetie, Daddy and I talked to you about this after Dr. Wyles suggested the surgery. It's a very simple operation. We don't use our tonsils for anything important. You won't need them."  
  
"Then why did God give them to us in the first place? Please, Mommy, can't we go home?"  
  
Gently caressing Ruthie's cheek, Annie had to fight back tears herself. "No, Sweetie, we can't. Besides, remember what we told you? After the surgery, you can have all the ice cream you want. Now, we have to go inside."  
  
The next half-hour was spent with Annie filling out paperwork to get Ruthie admitted to the hospital. An older nurse with a kind face noticed how upset Ruthie was and knelt beside her. "You remind me of my granddaughter. I'm going to have to spoil you rotten while you're here. While your mom is doing all this paperwork, why don't I take you down to the playroom? There's a special guest entertaining the children right now."  
  
For a moment Annie looked worried. But then she saw the barest hint of interest flash in Ruthie's eyes and ruffled her hair. "You can go with her if you want. I'll be there in a few minutes."  
  
Ruthie followed the nurse down the hallway. Before they even got to the playroom, the little girl could hear the sound of laughter coming from the room. Once in the doorway she could see why. Ten boys and girls were sitting in the front of the room mesmerized by the person entertaining them. She was wearing a patchwork overall shorts jumper over a pea green long sleeve T-shirt and orange leggings. Two small pigtails stuck out from the side of her head while the rest of her blonde hair hung down to her shoulders. Her face was painted white except for the orange flower painted over her right eye and a green tear on her left cheek.  
  
The small clown was at that moment attempting a magic trick without success. Ruthie was instantly reminded of the time that Simon had decided to try his hand at magic. However, each failure for the clown brought more and more laughter from the audience. For a moment Ruthie forgot about why she was here.  
  
"So you want to stay and watch while I go find your mommy?" The nurse asked her. Ruthie nodded absently as she watched, totally engrossed the performance. The nurse had no sooner left however, than the show ended and the kids began to file out of the playroom back to their rooms. Disappointed, Ruthie sank onto a bean bag chair and rested her head in her hands. It was only a moment later when she felt someone sink onto the chair beside her.  
  
"Fresh meat, huh? So, Curly top, what are you in for?"  
  
Ruthie glanced over to see the clown sitting next to her mimicking the way she was sitting. She gave the clown an odd look. "You make it sound like this is a jail."  
  
The clown smiled widely, her whole face lighting up. "Oh, no, I would never want to do that. Goodness knows the food is much better in jail. My name is Sprigly. Glad to meet you, Curly Top."  
  
"I'm Ruthie I'm sorry I missed your show. I'm here to have my toenails removed because I keep having sore throats."  
  
For a moment Sprigly looked confused but then she seemed to catch on to what Ruthie meant. "Been there, done that, have 'em in a jar somewhere to prove it."  
  
Ruthie's eyes grew big. "They let you keep them? Cool, I wonder if I can have mine."  
  
"Depends on your doctor and what your parents say. In order to keep mine I had to help with the surgery. Can you imagine what it's like to try to see down your own throat? Not fun."  
  
Ruthie grinned and Sprigly looked surprised. "Wait a minute, Curly Top, don't move a muscle."   
  
Reaching into the bag by her side, Sprigly pulled out an exaggeratedly large magnifying glass and held it to Ruthie's face. "I was right, that was a smile I saw on your face. You should keep it. But don't worry if you lose it; I have a whole pocketful."  
  
"Ruthie, I'm sorry it took so long." Annie entered the playroom with the nurse but stopped when she saw Ruthie talking to the clown.  
  
Ruthie jumped up and ran to Annie. "Mom, come meet Sprigly. She has her toenails in a jar and a pocketful of smiles."  
  
Amazed by Ruthie's sudden turnaround in moods, Annie smiled at the young clown. Beneath the make-up, the girl could be no older than Lucy or Mary. "Nice to meet you, umm, Sprigly."  
  
"You too. Curly Top, it's been nice meeting you but I bet you have to get to your room."  
  
Ruthie's face fell. "I don't want to go."  
  
Annie was sure that Ruthie was about to cause a scene but wasn't sure the best way to ward it off. She knew that Ruthie was just nervous about being in the hospital. Before she could say a word however, Sprigly sprang from the beanbag in one smooth motion and squatted in front of the little girl.   
  
"Hey, Curly Top, lost that smile already, huh? Let me see if I got one your size in my pocket." Reaching into the oversized pocket on her overalls, the clown rooted around looking for something. "Let's see. Nope, monkey smiles won't work. Can't use my last dolphin smile either – it's so hard to get those now a days. So that's where I put Izzy's spare smile – Izzy's my pet lizard." Once she had earned a giggle from Ruthie, she looked up with a sad face. "Seems I left my people smiles at home and just brought my animal smiles. But looky there, it looks like you found yours again."  
  
"Ruthie, dear, would you like to ride in the wheelchair up to your room?" The nurse asked kindly.  
  
Again Ruthie looked like she was about to protest and again, Sprigly stepped in. "Tell ya what, Curly Top, why don't I drive you to your room? Nurse Ann is a really sweet person but between you and me, she drives like a grandma. Even her grandkids agree."  
  
Ruthie nodded and jumped into the wheelchair. Sprigly flashed the nurse an innocent smile. "Where to? We'll beat ya there."  
  
Nurse Ann laughed. "I don't doubt that. Ruthie is going to be in room 317. But please take the elevator instead of the stairs."  
  
Sprigly shook her head and leaned close to Ruthie. "Shows you what she knows. Everyone knows you can't take a wheelchair up the stairs. You can only go down them." With that Sprigly shot out of the playroom and down the hall, the whole while making sounds like a car. Annie shook her head and looked at the nurse. Truth be told, she was a little overwhelmed by the young clown.  
  
Nurse Ann laughed. "She's a regular little dynamo, isn't she? But she's great with the kids. I've seen more than a few come in here more scared than Ruthie was and she wins them all over in seconds. Come on, we better catch up with them."  
  
Annie followed the nurse down the hall "She's good all right. There is no way I could have kept a straight face the way she did when cracking jokes. Who is she? Besides Sprigly the clown?"  
  
"Her real name is Kristen Goings. She volunteers here three or four times a week. Some weeks I think she's here everyday. I don't know much about her though. She keeps to herself when she's not clowning around. She's almost a completely different person."

****

Matt Camden grabbed his tray from the counter and looked around the cafeteria for a place to sit. He frowned. Because he was thirty minutes later than usual taking his dinner break, the cafeteria was crowded. Then his frown changed to a smile as he spied a teenage girl with long blonde hair sitting by herself eating a salad. He approached her. "Hey, Kristen, do you mind if I join you?"  
  
The teen smiled shyly and motioned for him to take the other chair. "Hey, yourself. Join me. I have to ask though, are you really going to eat that meat loaf? It looks like…"  
  
Despite his foul mood, Matt laughed. "Yes, I am and don't go telling me what it looks like. I know exactly what you are thinking but it's either this or my cooking and believe it or not this beats anything I could cook."  
  
"Sounds like it might be time for you to move home. What's going on? You are usually finishing supper when I come in here."  
  
"One of my coworkers quit yesterday so we are all working double to cover for him. I can't complain though, I need the money and it's not like I have anything better to do."  
  
Kristen Goings took a sip of her water and eyed him carefully. "Sounds like someone's having a pity party. Is it private or am I invited? I just love a good party."  
  
Matt shook his head. He had met Kristen about a month ago. He knew she volunteered somewhere in the hospital but he didn't know any of the details. She was quiet and reserved and usually content just with listening. He wasn't sure what it was about her that made her so easy to talk to unless it was the fact that she did listen so well. In fact, this was the most he'd heard her say since he met her. "Pity party, huh? Maybe so. I told you about my girlfriend moving to New York. We really want to make this long distance romance work but I haven't heard from her in about a week. I've tried calling but I get no answer. Any advice?"  
  
Kristen shook her head and took a small bite of her salad. "Nope, me giving you advice about dating would be like you giving advice to a doctor about how to perform surgery. If you haven't done it yourself, you shouldn't tell others how to do it."  
  
Matt cut into his meat loaf and started to take a bite. With the fork halfway to his mouth he stopped. "You sure you don't want a bite?" He laughed when she wrinkled her nose. "So, you've never had a long distance relationship?"  
  
Kristen finished off her water before answering. "No, I've never been in a relationship period."  
  
Matt stopped eating, surprised. The girl sitting in front of him was cute and sweet. Her problem should be too many boyfriends rather than a lack of them. "You're kidding, right? Why wouldn't a guy want to go out with you?"  
  
"Matt, you are a great guy. Thanks for the confidence in my but I know I'm not the type guys fall for. I've got to get home but I'll see you tomorrow. This isn't advice, but I bet you hear from Shana soon. She'd be crazy to give you up."  
  
As Kristen started to pass him, Matt reached out and grabbed her arm. "Well, this is advice. Don't give up. Some guy's going to realize how lucky he'd be to date you. I hope I'm around to see your face when that happens."  
  
********  
  
"And she said when she had hers removed, she got to keep them. Can I keep mine?"  
  
Eric stared at his daughter. "You want to keep your tonsils? In a jar? To take home with you? Do you really want to?"  
  
"As long as I don't have to help with my own surgery. Please Daddy, Mommy said I had to ask you."  
  
In the two hours since he had taken Annie's place at the hospital, Eric had heard all about the amazing new friend named Sprigly. When Ruthie had first started telling him about her, he wasn't sure if Ruthie was imagining things or what. But with a slight smile Annie had confirmed the little girl's rambling.  
  
"We'd better wait and ask the doctor in the morning. For now, though, you need to get some sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."  
  
Ruthie tried to protest but a huge yawn took the wind out of her arguments. With a smile, Eric kissed her and pulled the covers up to her chin. As soon as he was sure she was sound asleep, he stretched the phone across the room to the couch and dialed home. Annie answered on the second ring with a polite hello. Eric smiled. No matter how long they'd been married, he still got a thrill from hearing her voice.  
  
"Hey, how are things there?"  
  
"Mary and Lucy had supper ready when I walked in the door. They have been such a big help. Julie is coming over with Erica first thing in the morning to watch the twins. I'll be there as soon as I can. How's Ruthie?"  
  
"She wants to take her tonsils home with her." He could almost see Annie smiling into the phone.   
  
"That would be due to Sprigly's influence."  
  
Eric's smile widened. "I've been hearing a lot about her. Sounds like she made a big impression on Ruthie."  
  
"She did. I'm glad she was there. Ruthie was so scared and Kristen made her feel right at ease, even when the nurse had to draw blood. It was amazing."  
  
Eric's brow furrowed. "Who's Kristen?"  
  
"Kristen Goings, she's Sprigly's alter ego. She's got to be Lucy and Mary's age but they didn't know her from school. I'd like to see her again to tell her thank you for her help."  
  
"Kristen Goings, I know that name from somewhere. Oh well, it'll hit me later. You get some rest and try not to worry."  
  
"Right, you too. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
As Eric hung up the phone and looked out the window, he suddenly remembered why the name Kristen Goings sounded so familiar. With a sudden intake of air, he realized he must be wrong. But as he flashed back to his last encounter with the Goings eight months ago, he knew he was remembering right.  
  
_Eric stepped off the elevator into the fifth floor waiting room of the hospital. It was never easy visiting someone who was dying but it was worse when it was someone so young. At times he regretted the day someone stopped him after church and asked him to visit the daughter of a coworker. He had counseled too many young people in his career and it never got any easier. This was his fourth visit to the hospital to visit Kristen Goings and he already knew that helping her and her family face her death would be the hardest thing he'd done in his career.  
  
Kristen Goings was ready to die. She had reached that acceptance stage where she knew that baring some miracle her life would end soon. What she needed at that point was someone to tell her what to expect and what to do spiritually to prepare. Unfortunately, the rest of her family was still hovering between denial and anger. They weren't making things easy on either Kristen or Eric. Eric wanted to reach them so they could help Kristen. He had seen how much she needed her family's support and hoped that maybe this time he could help them learn to give it to her.   
  
He saw Mr. and Mrs. Goings holding each other across the waiting room and walked over to them. As he got closer he realized both adults were crying. A lump formed in his throat with the fear he was too late. "Mr. Goings? Mrs. Goings?"  
  
Mr. Goings gave him a hard look. "You, we don't want you here. Go away and leave our family alone. The last thing we want is to hear you talking about God and how he can help us through this."  
  
Unbidden tears filled Eric's eyes. "Has something happened? Kristen…?"  
  
Mrs. Goings drew herself up to her full height and slapped Eric across the right cheek. "You, you told us God would help us through this. What a joke. Your God took my daughter away today. I won't forgive him for that. I won't forgive you. Go away and leave us in peace."  
_  
Now Eric sat in Ruthie's room, tears spilling down his cheeks. He had tried a few times after that to talk with the couple but each time had met with hostility. Finally he had given up, afraid he was making things worse on a family so consumed with grief. Ruthie twisted in the bed and Eric checked to make sure she was okay. He stood over her for several long minutes and tried to make sense of the situation, but it was impossible. Ruthie's new friend, Sprigly, if she was really Kristen Goings, had died eight months ago.

***

"Hiya, Curly Top." Sprigly stuck her head around the door and grinned.   
  
Ruthie sat up in bed and motioned for her new friend to enter. "You came! I was afraid you weren't going to make it after all. Don't you have school?"  
  
Sprigly bounced up on the bed beside the young girl. Today her overalls were over an orange long sleeve T-shirt and blue leggings. The flower and tear on her painted face matched her clothes. "Sure I have school. But our head clown got his oversized shoe stuck in the door so they canceled school for today." She glanced around and tried to suppress a frown when she didn't see anyone else with the young girl. "You all alone, Curly Top?"  
  
Ruthie shook her head. "My dad is in the bathroom. He'll be out in a moment. I can't wait for him to meet you. Can you come by after my surgery as well? Mommy says I can have all the ice cream I want."  
  
Sprigly ruffled the younger girl's hair. "Sure I will. I'll even bring you something you'll like even better than ice cream."  
  
Ruthie gave her a dubious look. "There's nothing I like better than ice cream, but you can give it a try. Hi, Daddy. Come meet Sprigly."  
  
When Eric first left the bathroom and heard Ruthie speaking, he figured she was talking to Annie. Therefore he was initially surprised when a stranger with a brightly painted face smiled back at him. The look of surprise and recognition on the clown's face told Eric he was right about who she was. For a moment the two simply stared at each other, too stunned by the other's presence to say anything.  
  
"Good morning. How did everyone sleep?" Annie entered the hospital room. She looked from Eric to Sprigly, concerned by the tension and seriousness that filled the room. Ruthie, however, seemed oblivious to the sudden shift in mood. She smiled brightly at Annie.  
  
"Mommy, look who's here."  
  
Sprigly seemed to recover first. She looked away from Eric and smiled at Annie. "Surprise, you just never know who you're going to find in these places. Well Curly Top, I'll be back later but you should spend some time with your mom and dad before they come to get you for surgery."  
  
With hasty good-byes, Sprigly left the room. As soon as she was gone, Eric snapped out of his confusion. He kissed Annie, noticing her concerned expression. "I'll be right back."  
  
"Is everything okay? What's going on?"  
  
Desperate to catch the clown before she disappeared for good, Eric spared her only a glance. "I'll explain later."   
  
Out in the hallway, Eric caught a nurse's arm. "Where did the clown go?"  
  
"Sprigly? She's probably gone to change. Try the staff lounge down the hall. But you better hurry. We are about to come get Ruthie for surgery."  
  
Eric nodded and took off down the hall. He did have the presence of mind to knock before entering. A second later the door opened and Kristen smiled back at him. She had started removing her make-up and only a faint staining of white remained on her face.  
  
"Hey, Reverend Camden. Come in before a kid sees me." She motioned him in and closed the door behind him. Then she returned to the mirror.  
  
Eric just stared at her. "Annie, my wife, Ruthie's mom, told me your name but I couldn't believe it. I don't understand. You died eight months ago."  
  
Kristen slowly turned around to face him, her expression one of disbelief. "What are you talking about? I didn't die. I was about a day away from dying but I survived. Why would you think I hadn't?"  
  
Eric sat on the edge of the couch, his eyes red from unshed tears. He shrugged his shoulders in disbelief. "I showed up at the hospital to visit you. Your parents were upset. They told me you had died."  
  
Kristen's face fell and she turned back to the mirror. She hoped he wouldn't see the tears that filled her eyes. "No, they only wish it'd been me that died."  
  
Eric had to strain to hear what she said but once he caught it, the words cut him straight to the heart. Reaching out, he touched her shoulder. "Kristen…"  
  
"Mr. Camden?" Nurse Ann stuck her head in the door. "We're ready to take Ruthie to surgery. Did you want to see her before she goes?"  
  
Eric was torn. He wanted to be with Ruthie but he felt Kristen needed him too. As he debated his decision for just a minute, Kristen grabbed a tissue from the box on the counter. Wiping her eyes she looked back at him. "Go see your daughter. She needs you. I'll stop by later to check on her. I've got a doctor's appointment anyway."  
  
Finally Eric nodded. "Okay, but I think we should talk at some point. More than me just wanting to know what happened, I think you have a need to talk about it. I want to help if I can."  
  
"You're sweet to want to try but I don't think it will do any good. But if you really want to I get through with my Sprigly rounds at 4:30."  
  
"I'll be there."  
  
**********  
  
"So she's back in the room and sleeping? Sounds great. I'd come up now but my break is only ten minutes long. I have a two hour break at three so I'll sit with her then if you and Dad need a break." Matt said his good-byes and hung up the cafeteria phone. He'd be glad when the hospital hired someone else to work in the cafeteria. Pulling these long shifts would look good come payday but the hours were killing him.   
  
"Hey Camden, what's wrong with your friend?" One of his coworkers asked, breaking Matt from his thoughts.  
  
"What friend?"  
  
"The cute little blonde you're always talking to in here. She came in here about ten minutes ago looking like someone just ran over her cat. She's been sitting over there in a corner crying every since."  
  
Matt recognized Kristen by the description and frowned. What could have happened to upset his normally bubbly if shy friend? "I'm going to go check on her. Do me a favor and cover for me if I'm late from break."  
  
"No problem, Camden. I hope everything's okay."  
  
Matt nodded absently and scanned the cafeteria. Sure enough, Kristen sat in the back corner, her head turned away from him. But Matt could tell from the slight shaking of her shoulders that she was crying. Without another thought, he crossed the room and sat across from her.  
  
"So, is this a private pity party or am I invited?" He waited until she looked at him before giving her a concerned smile.  
  
"The more the merrier I guess. What is this, you live here now? I suggested you move back to your parents not here."  
  
Matt laughed. Whatever was wrong, she hadn't totally lost her sense of humor. "I could say the same about you. You know, for someone who complains about the food, you're sure in here a lot. What's wrong Kristen?"  
  
The teen wiped her eyes and shrugged. "Nothing really. Like you said, a pity party mostly. This morning, I ran into someone I knew from earlier this year. My life was a real mess then and seeing him brought up some bad memories."  
  
Matt couldn't help but reached out to the younger girl, touching her cheek. He wasn't as comfortable or as good at helping people as his father was but he could see Kristen needed someone. "Must have been some pretty bad memories if you are still this upset."  
  
"Matt, have you ever been afraid you were going to die?"  
  
Without saying a word, he shook his head. He knew he'd come close to dying as a newborn but that didn't seem to be what she meant. The whole family had worried about Eric dying when he had his heart attack earlier that year. They had known friends and loved ones who had died but he had never feared for his own life.  
  
"Not even a whole year ago, I was so sick the doctors told me I probably wouldn't live. I was sixteen years old and dying. It was like one of those made for TV movies or tearjerker novels. I never told my parents but I had even written a will and left it with my doctor. I didn't want to die but I knew my chances for living weren't good and were getting worse every day."  
  
"But you are okay now." There was only the barest hint of a question mark at the end of Matt's statement.  
  
"For the most part, yes. I watch what I eat and I'm on medicine for the rest of my life but at least now the doctors are agreeing that it should be a long life now."  
  
"If the doctors were so sure you were going to die, what happened? A miracle?" He wasn't being sarcastic. With a preacher for a father he knew that miracles existed and happened more often than people gave credit for.  
  
Kristen nodded. "Yeah, it was a miracle. But it came wrapped in the form of tragedy. So much so that sometimes I wonder if being alive today is worth the cost."  
  
"I bet everyone who cares about you would say any price was worth it, especially your parents."  
  
Kristen didn't say anything but the expression on her face suggested she wasn't so sure. Matt didn't know what to say so instead he shifted his chair closer to her and wrapped his arms around her in a comforting hug. She was no longer crying and she seemed to be relaxing some. After several long minutes, she pulled away and kissed him softly on the cheek.  
  
"Thanks Matt, for listening. You are probably the best friend that I can claim to have. But I know you have to get back to work. I've taken up too much of your time. Besides I have to go pick up something for a patient before I change for my shift."  
  
"You going to be okay?"  
  
Kristen blushed and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine, at least for the rest of the afternoon."  
  
"What time do you get off?"  
  
"4:30 but I have to meet someone right after. When do you get off?"  
  
"I have a break from three to five and then I told them I'd come back for the dinner rush so I'll be here until about seven thirty. If you need to talk later, come by."  
  
Kristen thought about the memories and emotions her brief conversation with Reverend Camden had brought up and knew that a longer talk was sure to be worse. More than likely she would need a friend before she went home. "Thanks, I may take you up on that."

****

MY THROAT HURTS!  
  
Ruthie held her small marker board up for everyone in the room to see. In the hours since she had woken up from surgery that was the twentieth time she had informed them she was in pain. Lucy, who was sitting closest to Ruthie ruffled her hair.  
  
"Want me to get you some ice cream?"  
  
Ruthie wrinkled her nose and shook her head. Again she pointed to her marker board. Immediately after surgery she had readily agreed to their suggestions of ice cream. But after about the fourth time Ruthie realized all the ice cream did was hurt her throat worse.  
  
Annie exchanged a look with Eric. She hated seeing her daughter in pain, especially when there was nothing she could do about it. Eric sat up. "Why don't I go see if the nurse can give you something for pain?"  
  
Annie smiled. "That's a good idea. Mary, why don't you take Lucy and Simon home as well. Tell Aunt Julie that I'll be there after Ruthie eats supper and gets settled for the night."  
  
I'M NOT EATING ANYTHING! Ruthie insisted on her marker board. Sensing her mom already had her hands full with Ruthie, Mary offered no arguments. The three siblings each gave Ruthie a kiss and then hugged their mom before leaving the room.  
  
Matt, who had been sitting across the room on the couch, moved to take Lucy's seat. "You know Ruthie, I have a friend who would agree with you about the food here. She's always complaining about how the food looks and what it tastes like."  
  
Despite her worry about Ruthie, Annie gave him a funny look. She couldn't believe that as upset as he'd been over Shana leaving that he would so much as talk to another girl let alone be friends with one. She was glad to see it though. She was worried that he was getting too depressed missing Shana. "Friend? Who's this friend?"  
  
Matt shrugged. "Just a girl who volunteers here at the hospital. She comes into the cafeteria and we've talked. She's just a nice kid."  
  
Annie nodded, hoping she didn't seem too interested. She knew Matt really thought he could make a long distance relationship work. As much as she didn't want to see him hurt, she was glad there was someone waiting in the wings that could help him if he did.  
  
Sensing the conversation was turning somewhere he wasn't ready to go, Matt stood and kissed Ruthie as well. "I better get back down to the cafeteria."  
  
Annie glanced at her watch. "It's only 4:15. I didn't think you had to be back until 5."  
  
"Yeah, but I promised a friend who's going through a rough time that I'd be around this afternoon. I'll come back up before I leave tonight though."  
  
Before he could be questioned further, Matt ducked out of the room. As he started down the hall he was surprised to see a clown walking toward him. He was even more surprised when he recognized the person underneath the white paint. He stopped a smile spreading across his face.  
  
"So, this is what you do."  
  
Kristen stopped and stared at Matt. "Hey, whatcha doing up here? Spying on me?"  
  
"Visiting my sister. Somehow I can't see you as a clown. You're too quiet and shy."  
  
She smiled, "Ah, no you see, Kristen Goings is shy and quiet but Sprigly is quite the extrovert." She did a quick spin.  
  
Mat laughed. " I guess seeing is believing. Is everything okay?"  
  
She nodded. "For now. I have a couple more stops to make before I turn back into plain old Kristen. That's when the problems will start."  
  
"I'll be in the cafeteria."  
  
She squeezed his arm. "Thanks. I'll probably see you down there. But for now I better get going. I don't want to keep the kids waiting."  
  
**********  
  
When the door opened, Annie expected it to be Eric. Therefore she was partially surprised when Sprigly bounded in and plopped down on the bed beside Ruthie. She had a brightly wrapped package with her.  
  
"Hiya Curly Top! What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? No wait that's right, a doctor got your tonsils."  
  
This time with a miserable smile on her face Ruthie wiped off her marker board and scribbled on it before showing it to the clown. MY THROAT HURTS!  
  
Sprigly laughed. "Of course it does. While you were knocked out the doctor practiced his hole-in-one shots using your mouth as the hole. Hey, I got you something. Something you'll like better than ice cream."  
  
Ruthie wrinkled her nose and would have groaned if her throat hadn't hurt so much. Annie came to her aid. "I'm afraid swallowing even ice cream is a little painful for Ruthie right now but I'm sure she'll love whatever it is when she fells a little better. That was very sweet of you to bring her something."  
  
Sprigly made an exaggerated show of rolling her eyes. "A little painful is an understatement. I fell for that 'all the ice cream I want' line too but then I discovered something that didn't hurt to eat." She handed Ruthie the package. "Go on, open it. Would I steer you wrong?"  
  
The package was soft and Ruthie tore into it quickly. She was surprised to see a bag of cotton candy. She looked at Sprigly skeptically. But after a moment's hesitation she opened the bag and took a small pinch. Eric returned in time to see the little girl's eyes light up. She immediately reached for her marker board.   
  
IT DIDN'T HURT!  
  
Sprigly laughed. "Of course it didn't, Curly Top. Melts in your mouth not in your throat. It tastes great but there is nothing to swallow. But as good as it is, cotton candy doesn't take the place of real food. Even if it hurts and even if it tastes bad, you still have to eat. Otherwise your stomach will start talking. If you promise me you'll eat, I'll tell your parents where to find more cotton candy."  
  
Ruthie made a big show of crossing her heart as a promise. Satisfied Sprigly leaned over and hugged the little girl. She saw a nurse waiting to give Ruthie something for pain. "Okay, I better get out of her before she decides to shoot me with a needle as well."  
  
Annie stopped her at the door and hugged her as well. "Thank you. For easing her fears yesterday, for checking on her this morning and for bringing the cotton candy. We're going home in the morning but I wanted to make sure you knew how much we appreciated you. You are a true blessing."  
  
Sprigly smiled and nodded through the tears forming in her eyes. She tried to shrug off the appreciation but both Annie and Eric could tell it meant a lot to her. "The kids mean a lot to me. It can be scary being in the hospital. There's a vendor down the street at the park who sells the cotton candy."  
  
Eric squeezed her arm and made sure Ruthie was distracted. "Kristen, are you ready to talk?"  
  
Kristen sighed, for once looking like a very sad clown. It was on the tip of her tongue to truthfully answer no but she owned him an explanation. "Give me time to change. Why don't we meet in the cafeteria in fifteen minutes?"

***

Kristen scanned the cafeteria looking for Reverend Camden. The fifteen minutes she had asked for had stretched more like into twenty. She had long since perfected the ten-minute clown face, meaning she could put on or remove her make-up in under ten minutes. She had spent the other ten minutes mentally preparing herself for the meeting.  
  
She was surprised to see the preacher talking to Matt. Biting her lower lip she slowly approached them. "Hey Matt. You know Rev. Camden?"  
  
Matt smiled at his friend. "You could say that. He's my father. Dad, this is Kristen Goings, the clown that probably came into Ruthie's room today. Kristen, have you finished your meeting already?"  
  
Slightly pale, Kristen looked away. "Actually my meeting is with your father. This is so weird that I never made the connection. Rev. Camden, do you mind if Matt joins us? He should really hear the whole story and it would be easier for me just to tell it once."  
  
Equally as surprised that his son knew Kristen, Eric nodded and led the way to a secluded table. "Matt, I was introduced to Kristen through John Blake from church. He came to me after church one Sunday asking if I would visit the daughter of one of his coworkers. He said she was very ill but the family didn't attend church to have a regular preacher."  
  
Matt looked at Kristen. "You said earlier that you were so sick you thought you were going to die. What was wrong?"  
  
"I had viral cardiomyopathy. Basically, my heart was enlarged and not working properly. It was having to work too hard just to keep me alive."  
  
Mat whistled softly. "Sounds serious. How do they treat it? Antibiotics or what?"  
  
"There is no cure for it, Matt. It progressively gets worse and worse until you die. The only hope you have for survival is a heart transplant."  
  
"By the time John asked me to visit, Kristen was in the hospital fully bedridden and on oxygen. The doctor had only given her weeks to live without a transplant. That's what I don't understand, Kristen. Obviously you had a transplant but your parents were so upset…"  
  
Kristen nodded and looked away. "I did and they were. You met my sister didn't you?"  
  
Eric nodded unsure where she was going with the sudden shift in topic. He dimly remembered the slightly older girl who had flitted in and out of Kristen's hospital room. From what he could remember she was outgoing and vivacious but mostly more concerned with her own problems than with Kristen's. "Kimberly right?"  
  
The teenage girl pulled a napkin from the dispenser and slowly tore it into small pieces. "Kim and I were as close as two sisters who are completely different can be. Which I guess you could say wasn't very close. Kim was everything I wasn't. Straight A student, popular, beautiful, she was the golden child. I was the sickly kid who had to struggle for every B and every friend."  
  
Matt reached out and squeezed her hand. As different as his sisters were, he hoped none of them ever felt as inferior to another as it was obvious Kristen did. He didn't say anything though. Right now she needed to talk and needed him to listen. She glanced at him and gave him a shy halfway smile.  
  
"Kim was also very dramatic and sensitive. I was so out of it once they put me in ICU but I can remember her coming into the room and crying at my bedside for hours begging me not to die. The last time I remember her in my room was after I had had a heart attack. The doctors told my parents that they gave me two or three more days without a transplant. Kim was begging me not to die. She was blaming the doctors, mom and dad, me, even God for what was happening." Kristen blushed and looked at Eric. He smiled.  
  
"It's okay. She's not the first to blame God for bad things. I've seen very devout, church-going Christians blame God in times of grief." His eyes were red and he hoped she wasn't going with her story where he was afraid she was going. "What happened to Kim?"  
  
Silent tears ran down her cheeks but she didn't bother to wipe them away. "The very next day she was driving home from school when her car was struck by a train. Paramedics did everything they could but she was pronounced brain dead in the ER. Mom and Dad were in the ICU waiting room when the doctors came up to get them." Her napkin torn into the smallest parts it could be torn into; Kristen was desperate for something else to do with her hands. Eric took her in his arms for a moment and let her cry. He motioned for Matt to get her something to drink.  
  
Once Matt returned with a glass of water, Kristen pulled away. Matt noticed her hands were shaking and remembered what she had told him earlier. "'A miracle wrapped in the form of a tragedy.' You got Kim's heart."  
  
Kristen nodded. "I'm glad I wasn't there to see my parents face. They knew the doctor that approached them was on the donor retrieval team. They had to be so excited thinking the hospital had found a match for me only to find out that match was their oldest daughter's heart."  
  
"I must have gotten there not long after they found out." Eric shook his head. "No wonder they were so upset. I'm sorry Kristen. I should have done more to help your parents and you. I failed you."  
  
Kristen wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. "No you didn't. Mr. Blake was doing what he thought best by asking you to visit and I'm glad he did because I needed you. But my parents have lived a lifetime of turning away from God; they weren't about to change."  
  
"Did you know you were getting Kim's heart?" Matt probed gently. The teen shook her head.   
  
"The doctor didn't really want me to ever know I had received her heart. He was afraid I would get so upset that my body would reject the heart. It was two weeks post-op before I knew she'd even died. I missed her funeral and everything. I accidentally overheard a couple of nurses talking about me in the hallway a couple of weeks after that and realized where my new heart had come from. I went thought a bout of rejection after that."  
  
Matt frowned. "What do you mean about rejection?"  
  
"Your body is set up to fight any intruder that enters the body. That's how you get rid of viruses and bacteria. No matter how much a donor recipient may need a new organ the body still considers it an intruder that it should get rid of. The doctor tries to match everything as best he can but there's always a chance of rejection."  
  
"What happens if you reject the organ?"  
  
"They suppress your immune system and give you drugs to reverse the rejection. Hopefully they can stop the process. If not and, like with the heart, there is no backup, the patient dies."  
  
Eric fixed her in a steady gaze. "How are you now? I don't mean physically; you seem to be in great shape physically. I mean emotionally."  
  
"Most days I'm okay. I keep busy here at the hospital. I spent enough time in this place to know how lonely it can be. I like becoming Sprigly. I can forget everything and be someone else while I'm in make up. Sprigly doesn't have deal with the idea that the wrong child died; she only has to make kids laugh."  
  
"I'm sure your parents don't feel that way. As much as I'm sure they wish Kim were alive as well; I doubt they would be able to choose between you two."  
  
"Yes, they would. I head them talking while they thought I was out. Mom told Dad, 'we were prepared to lose Kristen, not Kimberly. Why did Kimberly have to die?' So you see, Kimberly the golden one was supposed to live a long productive, successful life and I, the inferior one, was supposed to die; not the other way around."

****

"Dad?"  
  
Eric looked up from the pad he'd been using to write his sermon. He motioned his oldest son in with a caution not to wake Ruthie who had finally fallen asleep. Matt entered and smiled at his youngest sister. He was glad to see she looked like she went to sleep in a better mood than she'd been in when he left earlier.  
  
"Matt, what are you still doing here? I thought you got off an hour ago."  
  
Matt nodded and paced back and forth slowly. He had indeed gotten off over an hour ago but he hadn't been able to bring himself to leave. All evening long, Kristen's haunted sad face had stayed with him. "What are you going to do? How are you going to help Kristen?"  
  
Eric sighed. Matt was more like him than he probably wanted to admit. Since his talk with Kristen, the compassionate pastor had thought about how hurt the young girl was and how much he must have failed to help her eight months ago. To be truthful, now, hours later, he was still no closer to knowing how to proceed. "After we get Ruthie home tomorrow I'm going to go pay John Blake a visit; see what he knows about the situation."  
  
Matt waited a moment or him to continue. When it was obvious that he wasn't, he stopped mid pace. "That's all? Aren't you going to go talk to her parents? Tell them to quit being jerks to the only daughter they have left?"  
  
"Matt, seeing John is all I can do right now to start with. As much as I may want to, I can't just go rushing in to save the day until I have more information. It won't help the situation and it could be worse in the long run for Kristen."  
  
Matt sank onto the couch beside his father. "How? What could be worse than believing your parents would rather have you dead and your sister alive?"  
  
"Finding out for sure that it's true." For a moment father and son just looked at each other. Then Eric continued. "I don't want to believe it's true. I want to believe that things were said in a moment of grief that Kristen should never have heard. But I've met her parents and her sister. Even while Kristen was sick I noticed that it seemed like they catered more to Kimberly. Kristen may be sensing things completely right."  
  
"But can't you talk to them? Kristen needs help."  
  
"You heard me recommend a couple of support groups she can attend. I'm going to help Kristen but her parents probably wouldn't listen to me. I couldn't reach them eight months ago and I'm afraid if I go rushing into this I'll hurt Kristen."  
  
Matt shook his head and stood. "That's just not good enough. I'll see you later, Dad."  
  
Eric frowned. "Where are you going?"  
  
"To help a friend."  
  
*****************  
  
Matt's jaw was set as he rang the doorbell at Kristen's house. At this point he wasn't sure who he was angrier with - Kristen's parents or his dad."  
  
"I won't do it!"  
  
He frowned. No one had answered the door but that was clearly Kristen's voice sounding so upset. He rang the bell again, this time harder.   
  
A half a minute later the door opened and a tall handsome man in dress pants and pressed shirt stared back at him. "Yes?"  
  
"I'm Matt Camden. I'm a friend of Kristen. I work at the hospital."  
  
Mr. Goings smiled. "Come in, Matt. It's not every day Kristen has friends over."  
  
"YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU MOM? I'M NOT KIMBERLY."  
  
Mr. Goings flashed Matt an apologetic smile but before he could say anything Kristen fled from the living room in tears. She ran headlong into Matt who reached out to steady her. "Kristen."  
  
The distraught teen looked up at Matt in surprise. Her blue eyes were full of fresh tears. She sniffled. "Matt? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I was worried about you. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. Apparently it isn't. What happened?"  
  
Kristen glanced back at her mother who had appeared in the doorway. Her watery eyes narrowed. "Nothing I shouldn't be used to. Mom entered me in the Tri-County Junior Miss competition."  
  
It was on the tip of his tongue to wish her good luck. He knew the competition she was talking about; Lucy had told him just that afternoon that she had entered it. But the look on her face and stubborn set her jaw quickly suggested it wouldn't be appreciated.  
  
Mrs. Goings shook her head. "Please, Kristen. For the past three years Kim has competed. Last year she was 1st runner up. This was going to be her year. I don't see why you are making a federal case about this."  
  
"No, you wouldn't would you." She looked at Matt. "I'll be right back. Please don't leave."  
  
The Goings and Matt watched as she ran up the stairs. Mrs. Goings then turned to Matt, noticing him for the first time. "Who are you?"  
  
"Matt Camden. Kristen and I both work at the hospital."  
  
"Work? Is that what she calls spending all her time at the hospital for nothing? I'm sorry you had to see that. I don't know what's gotten into her lately."  
  
"Why do you want her in that competition? Because you think she'll enjoy it or because Kimberly would? I've only known Kristen a couple of months and I know she's not into beauty pageants."  
  
Mr. Goings frowned. "You don't think she'd do well?"  
  
"She'd do great but that's not the point. The point is the two of you are trying to turn her into Kimberly. But you can't. Kim's dead and nothing can change that."  
  
Mrs. Going's eyes grew large. "Who do you think you are? Kristen's father and I both know very well that Kimberly is dead. We mourn her death every day."  
  
Matt nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, well maybe you should spend some of that time celebrating the fact that Kristen is alive."  
  
"How dare you?" Mr. Goings voice boomed. "I think you should leave."  
  
"NO!" Kristen reappeared at the head of the stairs, a duffel bag slung over her shoulder. She started down the stairs. "Everything I have asked for since the operation, you and mom have fought me tooth and nail on. Scratch that, all my life that's been true. I wanted to go to public school instead of the academy but Kim had to have her circle of uppity friends. Two years ago I wanted to spend the summer at Mr. Spiels clown camp but couldn't because Kim was doing summer stock and we had to tour with her. The only thing I've fought for and won on is volunteering at the hospital as Sprigly. Well guess what, here are two more things I'm going to win on. I'm not doing the pageant and I'm not staying here tonight. I need a night completely away from Kim and I can't get that in this house. Matt, can I stay with you tonight?" Once Kristen finally stopped to breathe, the veins in her neck were visibly going in and out.  
  
Matt nodded mutely. He was worried that she was going to make herself sick from being so upset. She flashed him a grateful smile. Mr. and Mrs. Goings however did not look pleased. "Young lady, if you think for one second that we are going to let you spend the night with a boy we have just met, think again."  
  
"Fine, then I'll get him to take me to the hospital but I can't stay here tonight. If you love me even just a little bit, give me this time." Without giving them a chance to answer, Kristen left the house.  
  
Matt looked at the Goings. "I'll take her to my parent's house, Eric and Annie Camden. She'll be okay there. I have to tell you; I never knew Kimberly. I'm sorry she died. But I do know Kristen and she's a great person. I don't think I've ever met anyone like her. You should get to know her instead of trying to turn her into Kimberly. Try being glad she's alive instead of blaming her for Kim's death. If not, you're going to lose her as well and then where will you be?" Without another word, Matt left to join Kristen.

***

"Matt, your father called earlier. What's going on?"  
  
Matt glanced back to the car where Kristen was still huddling in the front passenger seat crying. He was worried that she was going to make herself sick crying so hard. "I need a big favor Mom. Kristen is with me and she needs a place to stay tonight."  
  
Annie followed his gaze to the car and ten looked back to Matt. There was a slight frown on her face, her eyebrow arched in question. "Why can't Kristen stay at home?"  
  
Matt sighed. "She had a fight with her parents. I probably didn't make things better but I don't regret a thing I said. Please Mom, she's really upset and I don't think its good for her."  
  
Annie's face softened. "It's not good for anyone to be really upset. Go on in. Matt; I'll talk to her."  
  
In no time Annie was opening the passenger side door and kneeling besides the distraught teen. Without a word she pulled Kristen into her arms. With a sniffle and a hiccup, Kristen wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry. I told Matt to take me to the hospital. I would have been okay sleeping in the staff lounge. He shouldn't have bothered you."  
  
Annie shook her head and cupped the girl's head in her hands. "Yes, he should have. I would have been very upset if he'd simply dropped you off at the hospital. Why don't you come in; we can talk."  
  
Almost reluctantly Kristen stepped out of the car and allowed Annie to lead her into the house. Matt was waiting in the doorway holding a glass of water. He handed it to Kristen and blushed.  
  
"It seems like this is all I'm good for."  
  
Kristen blinked back tears and hugged him tightly. "Are you serious? Today alone you have done more for me than anyone ever has. Don't see yourself short."  
  
Annie directed them in to the living room. "Matt said you had a fight with your parents. Would you like to talk about it?"  
  
Kristen hugged a pillow close to her body. "Has Rev. Camden told you about me?"  
  
Annie nodded slowly. "Ordinarily he wouldn't but he did fill me in this afternoon because he was worried Matt was going to your house. I'm very sorry about your illness and our sister's death."  
  
Kristen accepted a tissue from Annie. "Thanks. I'm sorry to put you out like this but it was the last straw. I can't stand the way my parents are trying to turn me into Kim."  
  
Annie's heart went out to the younger girl. But she still was a little confused. "Exactly what was the last straw Kristen?"  
  
"Mom entered me in the Tri-County pageant. She thinks I should do it because Kim's always done it. How could she do that to me?"  
  
Annie glanced over at Matt. "Matt, will you go check on the twins for me?"  
  
Reluctantly Matt agreed. Once Annie was alone with the girl, she moved to sit next to her on the couch. Annie took Kristen's hands in her own. "I may be completely out of line here but I get the feeling that there's more to this than you feeling like your parents want you to be Kim. What is it really?"  
  
Kristen wiped her eyes. "Do you know what they do in order to perform a heart transplant?" Annie shook her head. "They cut you from the base of your neck to your belly button. At the time all that really matters is that the are saving your life; what you look like later isn't a big consideration. You can imagine then what my scar looks like. I can't wear even a modest bathing suit without it being seen. The suits Kim wore the last three years were far from modest. How could Mom ask me to get in front of all those people looking like I do?"  
  
Annie hugged the girl tightly. "Maybe she looks at you and sees a beautiful young woman with ever reason to live. No scar can outshine that."  
  
Kristen shook her head. "Nice try, Mrs. Camden but I know I'm not beautiful. Kim was the beautiful one and I was just the mistake."  
  
A lump formed in Annie's throat. "Oh, Kristen, how could you ever believe you were a mistake?"  
  
"Simple, my mom and dad only wanted one child but then I came along. It would have been okay if I'd been a boy but nope, I had to be a girl. Then, I had to stay sick all the time. If I had died I would have finally done something right and Mom and Dad would have had the family they always wanted. But I messed even that up."  
  
"Don't you ever believe that Kristen."   
  
Annie and Kristen turned toward the doorway at the sound of newcomers. Mr. and Mrs. Goings stood in the entryway with Eric behind them.  
  
"Mom? Dad?"  
  
Mrs. Goings crossed the room. Annie moved to let her have her seat. Holding her daughter tightly, Mrs. Goings had tears on her face. "Oh, sweetheart. I had no idea that you felt that way. Your father and I love you very much. I'm thankful every day that you are alive. "  
  
Mr. Going cleared his throat and looked at Matt, who had reentered the living room. "Son, I don't think I've ever had anyone talk to me the way you did earlier. But you made us stop and think. Maybe my wife and I have let our grief over losing Kim cloud the fact that we are very glad that Kristen's transplant was successful. Thank you for pointing that out to us. Your tact may can use some work but your heart is in the right place."  
  
Eric nodded his eyes red. "I owe you an apology, Matt. I let my failure in the past keep me from acting today."  
  
"But you said that it should have been me that died. I heard you." Kristen accused.  
  
Mrs. Goings wiped the tears from her daughter's face. "Darling, you only heard a part of what was said. You were having a rejection episode and the doctor wasn't sure if you would live through the night. I was saying that I was prepared for your death before the surgery but that I didn't think I could handle losing both of my daughters so close together."  
  
"It's always seemed like you loved Kim more than me."  
  
"That's not true Kristen. I loved both of you equally but differently. If it seemed like I favored Kim more it's only because I could relate to her more. Kim craved attention so I gave it to her. You always seemed content doing your own thing. I know I should have tried harder to include myself. If it's not too late, I'd like to start now. I thought the Tri-County pageant would be a good place to start. Not only because Kim was so involved but also because this year the focus is on community involvement and issues. I'm so proud of what you do at the hospital and I know how much you love to promote organ donation. I thought this might be a good place to start."  
  
"But the bathing suit…"  
  
"Is ten minutes of the whole night. I thought we could shop for a very stylish bathing suit that wouldn't show your scar that much. I had your doctor recommend some shops. Please come home with us Kristen. Help us to be a better family of three."  
  
"I can't erase the hurt that easily."  
  
Mr. Going kissed the top of her head. "Of course you can't. Just like we can't change completely overnight. But we are willing to work on it. Are you?"  
  
Silently Kristen nodded.  
  
  
  
Epilogue…  
  
Only two girls remained on stage at the Tri-County Pageant. The two had become good friends over the past few weeks and would be happy no matter which girl won. They held hands as the judge began to make his announcement.  
  
"And first runner up is Lucy Camden with her work with Habitat for Humanity and platform of affordable housing for everyone. "   
  
Lucy smiled and hugged the girl standing next to her before stepping forward to receive her flowers. She was really surprised that she had gotten that far in the pageant. But she was really happy with the judges' choice for the winner. She could see her parents in the second row clapping proudly. Mary and Simon were cheering just as proudly. However, while Matt and Ruthie were both obviously happy for her, it was obvious they were both waiting for the judge to make the final announcement.  
  
"And this year's Miss Tri-County with her platform of organ donation and her work at the Children's Hospital as Sprigly the clown, Kristen Goings."  
  
The End


End file.
